The story of an undrafted NBA player
The longest love of my life has been with the game of basketball. Even before I started playing, my family and I would watch games together — I remember skipping across the living room with hand-written “BE LIKE MIKE” signs during half-time as if I was the team cheerleader. I’m sure my parents and brother got a kick out of that (I’m slightly embarrassed to also be sharing this here). I also remember crying after the Chicago Bulls lost a finals game, and my mom, who knew zero things about basketball, would console me through the night. It was only at about eight years old did I actually start to play on a team.
A back story worth telling
My parents immigrated to the US from mainland China in the late 80s. They grew up during the Cultural Revolution and after Mao passed away in 1976, they went back to school. My dad was smart and lucky enough to receive something equivalent to a refugee grant to Cornell University in pursuance of a PhD in biochemical engineering. My mom followed him here to have me while my older brother stayed in China for a few more years. After Cornell, my dad landed a job right smack-dab in middle America — Fayetteville, Arkansas.
I was there until the age of 10 — growing up there I don’t remember having any other Asian classmates. I had no concept of “racism” and when my friend, Maddie, told me that her mom said she couldn’t play with me anymore, I felt sad but then just moved on. I suppose, though, since I can still clearly remember this story it had a deeper imprint on my psyche than I realised.
My mom really tried to “fit-in” with American culture — it makes me laugh to this day that I somehow ended up playing the chimes and singing in the church choir (my mom had never spoken about Jesus Christ or Christianity or religion in general to me, ever). I don’t think I ever made one Sunday School friend and remember feeling ostracised because I didn’t wear floral dresses and my hair wasn’t neatly braided. Don’t get me wrong — not all middle Americans are like this, but in the 90s a lot certainly were.
In 2000, my dad called it quits on biochemical engineering and taught himself computer programming — he’d buy stacks and stacks of C++ and Java books and stay up late reading through hundreds of pages of a language that wasn’t even native to him. In the end, he landed a job that took us to a different part of middle America — St. Louis, Missouri — and it was here I went through my teenage years and starting playing team sports.
My basketball journey continues
I loved basketball so much — in hindsight I can say that every basket I made was a boost of self-confidence. Being part of a team that worked together toward a common goal, celebrated the wins and learned from the losses was a new feeling to me. I finally felt like I belonged to something. I remember telling my parents that I wanted to play professional basketball in the NBA (not even the WNBA, but the NBA) — and being realistic Chinese immigrant parents, they squashed that dream but encouraged me to play so I would fit in with the other kids.
I started realising that I actually had some talent for the game and began taking a leadership role. I became team captain every year and pushed others to work hard (probably annoyingly) by setting examples during practice — I’d run till I literally could no longer hold in my lunch. And when the game was on the line, I fearfully hoped the ball would come to me so I could step up and take the game-winning shot. I don’t remember if I ever made any, but the sensation of overcoming self-doubt and accepting when things don’t turn out how you wanted them to will always stick. To many of the other girls on my team, practices and games were ways to socialise, but to me — basketball was a way for me to finally feel good about who I was and be noticed for being good at it.
So where is this story going?
At the time I didn’t realise it, but the sport taught me so much more. It made me confident and ready for life. As a young person, it exposes you to situations you’ve never encountered before — especially conflict scenarios. Many a time I found myself cursing at the referees or trying to hold back tears when a coach would yell at me. I learned the hard way (through technical fouls and extra running) how to control your emotions and see things from alternative perspectives. How a person handles conflict, I believe, is what truly shapes character, on and off the court. I learned that practices are where games are won and the time and effort a player commits to practice is tantamount to not just the outcome of the game, but your mental readiness to overcome emotional battles during high-pressure situations.
Teamwork and communication are two things I cannot stress enough that are critical to success in relationships and work. Like the game, you have finite time and energy every day. Why would you choose to spend this being angry and upset? In most conflict scenarios, you’re trying to achieve the same goal as your colleague or partner, and how you treat and communicate with that “teammate” directly impacts how happy and successful you both will be.
Grit. If I were to summarise what basketball has taught me, it’s to be gritty. Author Angela Duckworth says it best:
“Grit — a combination of passion and perseverance for a singularly important goal — is the hallmark of high achievers in every domain.”
My personal leadership challenge
Basketball continues to challenge my character on a weekly basis. After University, I moved to Hong Kong for work. In general, sports are not as important or emphasised in school as they are in the US, and culturally, Asian women tend to be more submissive than their Western counterparts, so it was tough to find a competitive women’s team to play on.
I started playing pickup basketball in a nearby neighbourhood where I was (and mostly still am) the only female. I joined a mixed team in an all-male adult recreation league. I also started reffing adult leagues and school leagues (parents are the worst critics, let me tell you). Throughout it all, there have and always will be people who challenge me and test my patience, but also encourage me to be better along the way. 20 years after I first picked up a basketball, the game still continues to shape me mentally and physically.
Recently, I signed up to start coaching kids. Not just kids, but high school girls (all the hormones). Coaching is something entirely new to me, but incredibly important. The game has given me so much — it’s given me the confidence I needed as a minority in middle America, as a young person understanding adulthood and as the only female in an all-male arena. I want to be able to instil the same values and character traits that I learned from the game for young girls here in Asia.
Unfortunately, due to COVID-19, many school activities can only resume in January 2021. Until then, I plan to begin my leadership journey by reflecting on what kind of coach I want to be and how I plan to communicate, push and elevate my future team to be all they can be.
Until the next blog post…!
